The Beauty in Letting Go

Have you ever thought of the words “letting go”? To me, the word “go” is positive, but the act of letting go can feel negative. I have always had a hard time letting go whether it be a boy friend who wasn’t good for me or a favorite worn out t-shirt. Letting go always came with feelings of guilt and abandonment. It seems surprising to me the word “go”, which has positive feelings as in she is a go-getter, or he is going straight to the top, would be connected to such a heart breaking act of loss.

This season of my life I have had to do a lot of letting go. I have let go of situations and objects I love and thought I would never be able to live without. I have had feelings of guilt and sadness. As I say good-bye to a way of life I thought would last much longer, God has shown me another side to letting go.

Last year, my oldest daughter, Jennika, started getting interested in reptiles. You can imagine my excitement in her taking a liking to one of my greatest passions. Her interest was geared toward bearded dragons. I like all reptiles, but some I like more than others. I would put the bearded dragons in the low middle of my list. They are wonderful creatures, and even though they come from Australia, one of my favorite places, they don’t have the wow factor for me. In spite of my input and showing her some unique lizards, she stuck to her guns and researched the bearded dragon. She spent months saving her money and pestering me about buying her dream pet. Her heart was fixed on a baby red morph even though they are a bit pricier.

My concern about a baby was the lifespan. They can live 8 to 12 years, and some have made it to 15. Will she still be interested in her beloved pet later on down the line, or will I be caring for a reptile who doesn’t rank high on my most loved list? I decided to talk to her about getting an older one who needed a new home. Since they are one of the most popular pet reptiles, you can always find a variety in need of a place to live.

One day I was walking, and I got a message from an acquaintance of ours. Her brother was looking to re home his bearded dragon for $40 including the tank, heat system, and furnishings. I jumped at the opportunity. At that time in life, I thought every opportunity that came my way I had to take. I have learned since then, that is not the case. When I told my daughter about the opportunity, she was excited at the thought of getting her dream pet at last, but there was a little sadness that it wasn’t fully what she was looking for. Her feelings of “this is good enough” won over, and we took the trip to get the dragon.

Looking back on it, I’m not sure this was the great deal I thought. The bearded dragon was missing toes and looked haggard all the way around. The tank was not in great shape and neither was the heating system. Jennika held the less than perfect dragon and happily handed over her money.

About a month later, some unexpected events happened. I packed up the family and reptiles and headed to my parents house to wait out this difficult season. We did our best in our temporary living situation but were not able to offer our new pet the bigger tank he needed. Even my mom, who is not a reptile fan, felt this guy needed something more.

One day, I was switching around some other reptiles and their tanks. I had built a tortoise box for our tortoise which opened up a bigger tank for the leopard geckos. As I was playing merry-go-round (see another “go” in a pleasant description) with the reptiles habitats, I was thinking about how Jennika loved the idea of her pet, but she wasn’t bonding to him. I decided to talk to her about letting go of her bearded dragon.

She didn’t want to at first, and the truth was I didn’t either. We liked the less than perfect guy even though he wasn’t fitting in with us during this season. When its time to let go of something, often times you have feelings of guilt, failure, and loss. After talking about it for the morning, we decided to say good-bye to our haggard little friend. I listed him on Craiglslist for free, and his tank for $20. I explained to Jennika this wasn’t a situation to try to get her money back. Sometimes you have to cut your losses.

He was listed on the site for about an hour when I got my first text. A guy wanted to come look at him but wouldn’t be able to come for about 3 hours. I ended up getting two text in that time, but I had a feeling to hold out for this first guy. That evening a man showed up with his wife and kids. They took an instant liking to our bearded dragon. They loved how sweet he was. His missing toes didn’t bother them. Turns out, they had other bearded dragons and a place for our guy already. They even had an outside enclosure set up. I couldn’t believe it. Our haggard sweet guy was going to a place where he would be cared for better than we could care for him. I was able to let the guilt go.

We ended up talking to the family a little longer and told them all about how Jennika actually wanted a baby red morph. To my surprise, the guy walked to his car and took out a blue bin with about 15 baby bearded dragons. To top it off, he had some red morphs! He looked at Jennika and said, “would you like to trade?” I had to fight back tears as God spoke to my heart saying, “When you let go in faith, I will replace your loss with what works better for you”.

Gods timing is impeccable. Not only did He take something that didn’t fit and replace it with what our hearts truly wanted, He made sure we had a place for it. When I switched around the other reptiles that morning, I ended up with an empty 10 gallon tank. The perfect living space for a baby bearded dragon!

I was ecstatic for days thinking about what we gain when we trust God, and let go. I didn’t even see it from the bearded dragons point of view at first. Our letting go wasn’t only a better situation for us but a better situation for the breaded dragon as well. That’s when it hit me. God doesn’t deal in win-lose situations. When God is involved, it’s always win-win.

I began to think of the people in my life that I have had to let go of because it wasn’t a good situation for me. I always felt so guilty; I had taken on their well-being as my responsibility. I felt like I was abandoning them. Writing those last sentences is humbling. Who did I think I am? Why did I think other people are my responsibility? Jesus already sacrificed His life. No need for me to do the same.

I realized when we hold onto an unhealthy relationship we are not stopping our growth alone but the other persons as well. We can not make someone else better. Jesus alone can do that. When we let go, we free ourself and the other person. Now we both have the choice to walk down the path of restoration.

O​ne thing we need to keep in mind is letting go of someone doesn’t always mean saying good-bye forever or saying good-bye at all. Sometimes we need to say good-bye for a season. Sometimes we need to let go of the responsibility for their life we took on. Letting go of someones decisions and being OK with their choices, no matter how it affects us, is challenging, but it can be the freedom we are looking for. The out come of letting go doesn’t look the same in every situation. We need to let go in faith without knowing what will come next.

Sometimes it’s not a person we are being asked to let go of. A great number of times we need to let go of materials or a way of life. I remember another lesson God showed me when I first came to my parents house. My one year old was eating a watermelon. He had gotten down to the rind, but he didn’t want to stop there. He continued to eat. When I tried to take the rind from his hand, he held onto it with every bit of one year old strength he had while screaming and crying. He never looked at me. He couldn’t take his eyes off the rind. Had he looked up at me, he would have seen another piece in my other hand waiting for him. There was no room for me to give him the new piece before he gave up the old. As I wrestled with this unbelievably strong toddler, God started speaking to my heart. When we keep our eyes on what we think we can’t live without, we miss what God has for us in His other hand.

This season has taught me that letting go is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s the way we move forward and moving forward is always good. Now I look at the word “go” and see how it belongs in the act of letting go.