Jane’s Hypothetical Bite

M​y most loved reptile was Jane, an Argentina Tegu. For years, she was my baby, my pride, and joy. I let go of my whole reptile collection, so I could focus solely on her. Her temperament was calm, curious, and willing to let new people hold and cuddle her. Once, she was invited to entertain some students at a school I assisted at. She walked around the class room as little hands reached out to pet her, and she seemed to enjoy the whole experience. The kids talked about that day for the rest of the year. 

I bought Jane in my mid 20s. She had been my dream reptile since Jr High. To gratify my itch for a tegu, I had been collecting other species I admired believing a tegu was out of reach. One glorious day, Jane fell into my lap. It’s common for hatchlings to be a bit more skittish, and sometimes a baby tegu will need a lot of handling before they are calm and enjoy interaction. That was not the case with Jane. She was calm from the beginning. 

I loved owning Jane. Everyone around me was fascinated with her. She made me see a side of my personality I love. I moved around five times while owning her, and my first thought every time was, can Jane move with me? My parents ended up building her a six- foot enclosure at their house, so when I came home to visit, she would have a place to stay. 

D​uring this time in life, I was involved in church ministry and loving it. I ended up stumbling into a relationship with a guy who wasn’t a good fit for me. The relationship started an internal struggle with feelings of being pulled in two different directions. No matter how I tried to justify my choices and put on a front of a “good Christian girl” following the rules of my religion, in my spirit, I knew I was headed down a dark path. I loved God desperately but kept feeling pulled away by these unhealthy decisions. Back then, I had a religious belief that God would distance himself from me if I wasn’t living my life up to His standards. I was working hard to keep up with church duties, and my conflicting relationship. 

O​ne day God impressed a question on my heart. “Would you be mad at Jane if she bit you?”

I remember thinking, of course not. I loved Jane. Even though I held her close to my heart and couldn’t imagine her hurting me, I knew she was still a lizard. She didn’t have the intelligence I had and didn’t understand my ways. She didn’t know what my heart felt toward her. While up until that point her temperament had been nothing less than a model tegu, the risk of her getting spooked and reacting aggressively was always there. I replied with, “no, of Course not. She is a lizard and that’s what lizards do.”

Instantly, I felt God’s reply, “I’m not mad at you when you sin. You are a human and that’s what humans do.”

My eyes filled with tears as a little more of Gods love was reveled to me in that moment. I didn’t turn my life around immediately. It took me some time to reach a turning point and start down a new path. But, I do remember the change of not feeling the shame and guilt. God loved me and was willing to work with me through my unhealthy choices. The most important thing to Him was not my “perfect walk” but rather an honest walk close to His heart. 

I have reflected on this love encounter with God over the past 16 years, and I still draw more revelation from it. Satan’s goal is not to get us to sin. His goal is to draw us away from our relationship with God. He knows he can’t separate us from God’s love, but he can get us to believe it’s a possibility. He did it with Adam and Eve in the garden. They were the ones who hid from God after sinning. God knew what they had done, and He was the one who went to them. God wasn’t afraid of their sin. I wonder what would have happened if Adam and Eve had gone to God the moment they realized the weight of what they had done? Would the outcome have been different?

Today, I see it’s not the sin that breaks the heart of God, but the distance we put between us and Him. When we run from Him, we are subconsciously saying, “we believe what Satan says about your love rather than what You say”. God is clear about the love He has for us. I love the way Romans 8:38-39 says it: 

So now I live with the confidence that there is nothing in the universe with the power to separate us from God’s love. I’m convinced that his love will triumph over death, life’s troubles, [ai] fallen angels, or dark rulers in the heavens. There isnothing in our present or future circumstances that can weaken his love. 39 There is no power above us or beneath us—no power that could ever be found in the universe that can distance us from God’s passionate love, which is lavished upon us through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One!

W​hile my walk with God will always have room for growth, I don’t measure His love by the choices I make in this life. Instead, I measure it by the choice He made to show His love for us.